Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Never Play Golf with your Wife
A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally, the Doctor asked him, "What happened to YOU?"
"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole we both sliced our golf balls into a field of cattle. We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end."
"I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's fanny. Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"
I don't remember much after that"...
Naturally, the Doctor asked him, "What happened to YOU?"
"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole we both sliced our golf balls into a field of cattle. We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end."
"I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's fanny. Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"
I don't remember much after that"...
Prescription @ Pharmacy
A woman who walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.
Pharma: What do you want it for?
Lady: "I want to kill my husband"
Pharma: "Sorry, I can't do that."
Lady then reaches into her handbag and pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and hands it to him.
Pharma: "Why didn't you tell me you had a prescription..."
Pharma: What do you want it for?
Lady: "I want to kill my husband"
Pharma: "Sorry, I can't do that."
Lady then reaches into her handbag and pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and hands it to him.
Pharma: "Why didn't you tell me you had a prescription..."
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Security in East Africa
You will always see "Signs" on people house gates "Umbwa Kali" ~ Beware of Dog
Well... This is the Best One so Far .... !!!
Well... This is the Best One so Far .... !!!
Politicians ...
Politicians ..... What I think of Them !!!
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Dickheads ... Dickheads ... Dickheads ... !!!
Indian Student in USA
It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.
Teacher: 'Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'? She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:
Chandra: 'Patrick Henry, 1775'.
Teacher: 'Very good!'
Teacher: Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?' (Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar.)
Chandra: 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863'
Teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.'
She heard a loud whisper: 'Fuck the Indians,'
Teacher: 'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up.
Chandra: 'General Custer, 1862.'
At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'
The teacher glares around and asks
Teacher: 'All right! Now, who said that?'
Chandra: 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'
Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'
Chandra: (jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher) 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!'
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.'
Chandra: (frantically yells at the top of his voice) ' Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004.'
The teacher fainted.
And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're fucked!'
And Chandrasekhar said quietly, I think it was George Bush, Iraq , 2007.'
Teacher: 'Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'? She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:
Chandra: 'Patrick Henry, 1775'.
Teacher: 'Very good!'
Teacher: Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?' (Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar.)
Chandra: 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863'
Teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do.'
She heard a loud whisper: 'Fuck the Indians,'
Teacher: 'Who said that?' she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up.
Chandra: 'General Custer, 1862.'
At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.'
The teacher glares around and asks
Teacher: 'All right! Now, who said that?'
Chandra: 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'
Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'
Chandra: (jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher) 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!'
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said 'You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.'
Chandra: (frantically yells at the top of his voice) ' Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004.'
The teacher fainted.
And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, 'Oh shit, we're fucked!'
And Chandrasekhar said quietly, I think it was George Bush, Iraq , 2007.'
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Monday, December 1, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Men-Selective Hearing
It has always been known that Men have selective hearing when Wive's keep the ever going Nag 24/7.
Men have since evolved with time to the art of "Selective Hearing"
Men have since evolved with time to the art of "Selective Hearing"
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Dr's X'mas Gift
Dear Doctor,
Somewhat embarrassing to admit, I'm not getting an annual bonus and Christmas is tight this year. I will be making bedroom slippers for you all as gifts. Please let me know your sizes. You'll most likely agree that it's a splendid idea, and should you wish to do the same, I've included the instructions below.
How to make bedroom slippers out of maxi pads:
You need four maxi pads to make a pair.
Two of them get laid out flat, for the foot part.
The other two wrap around the toe area to form the top.
Tape or glue each side of the top pieces to the bottom of the foot part.
Decorate the tops with whatever you desire, silk flowers (this is most aesthetically appealing), etc.
These slippers are:
* Soft and Hygienic
* Non-slip grip strips on the soles
* Built in deodorant feature keeps feet smelling fresh
* No more bending over to mop up spills
* Disposable and biodegradable
* Environmentally safe
* Three convenient sizes: (1.) Regular, (2.) Light and (3.) Get out the Sand Bags.
I've attached a photo of the first pair I made so that you can see the nifty slippers for yourself....
Awaiting your response. It's crucial that I get the right size for each one of you.
Picture of Sample Enclosed
Somewhat embarrassing to admit, I'm not getting an annual bonus and Christmas is tight this year. I will be making bedroom slippers for you all as gifts. Please let me know your sizes. You'll most likely agree that it's a splendid idea, and should you wish to do the same, I've included the instructions below.
How to make bedroom slippers out of maxi pads:
You need four maxi pads to make a pair.
Two of them get laid out flat, for the foot part.
The other two wrap around the toe area to form the top.
Tape or glue each side of the top pieces to the bottom of the foot part.
Decorate the tops with whatever you desire, silk flowers (this is most aesthetically appealing), etc.
These slippers are:
* Soft and Hygienic
* Non-slip grip strips on the soles
* Built in deodorant feature keeps feet smelling fresh
* No more bending over to mop up spills
* Disposable and biodegradable
* Environmentally safe
* Three convenient sizes: (1.) Regular, (2.) Light and (3.) Get out the Sand Bags.
I've attached a photo of the first pair I made so that you can see the nifty slippers for yourself....
Awaiting your response. It's crucial that I get the right size for each one of you.
Picture of Sample Enclosed
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