God: "Adam, I want you to do something for me."
Adam: "Gladly, Lord, what do you want me to do?"
God: "Go down into that valley."
Adam: "What's a valley?"
God: (Having explained it to him) "Cross the river."
Adam: "What's a river?"
God: (Having explained it to him) "Go over to the hill...."
Adam: "What is a hill?"
God: (Having explained it to him) "On The other side of the hill you will find a Cave."
Adam: "What's a cave?"
God: (Having explained it to him) "In the cave you will find a woman."
Adam: "What's a woman?"
God: (Again, Having explained it to him) "I want you to procreate."
Adam said, "How do I do that?"
God: ("Geez..... Onced Again explained it to him all about the Bees and the Birds in details.").
So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.
About five minutes later Adam was back with that confused look again.
God, his patience wearing thin, angrily asked: "What is it now?"
Adam: "What's a headache?" …
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Why are Wedding Dresses in White ... ?
Son asked his mother the following question:
Son: 'Mom, why are wedding dresses white?'
The mother looks at her son and replies,
Mom: 'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'
The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.
Son: 'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'
The father looks at his son in surprise and says,
Dad: 'Son, all household appliances come in white.'
Son: 'Mom, why are wedding dresses white?'
The mother looks at her son and replies,
Mom: 'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'
The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.
Son: 'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'
The father looks at his son in surprise and says,
Dad: 'Son, all household appliances come in white.'
Sucker's Game
Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar, discussing their Careers.
Tiger: 'How's the singing career going?'
Stevie: 'Not too bad. How's the golf?'
Tiger: 'Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right, now.'
Stevie: 'I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right.'
Tiger: (Shocked) 'You play GOLF?'
Stevie: 'Yes, I've been playing for years'.
Tiger: 'But - you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?'
Stevie: (Explains) 'Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice.'
Tiger: 'But, how do you putt?'
Stevie: 'Well, I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice.'
Tiger: 'What's your handicap?'
Stevie: 'Well, other than Blindness, actually, I'm a scratch golfer.'
Tiger: Incredulous, 'We've got to play a round sometime.'
Stevie: 'Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. That a problem?'
Tiger: (Thinks about it) ' I can afford that, OK, I'm game for that. $10,000 a hole is fine with me. When would you like to play?'
Stevie: 'Pick a night... any night'
Tiger: 'How's the singing career going?'
Stevie: 'Not too bad. How's the golf?'
Tiger: 'Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right, now.'
Stevie: 'I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right.'
Tiger: (Shocked) 'You play GOLF?'
Stevie: 'Yes, I've been playing for years'.
Tiger: 'But - you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?'
Stevie: (Explains) 'Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice.'
Tiger: 'But, how do you putt?'
Stevie: 'Well, I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice.'
Tiger: 'What's your handicap?'
Stevie: 'Well, other than Blindness, actually, I'm a scratch golfer.'
Tiger: Incredulous, 'We've got to play a round sometime.'
Stevie: 'Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. That a problem?'
Tiger: (Thinks about it) ' I can afford that, OK, I'm game for that. $10,000 a hole is fine with me. When would you like to play?'
Stevie: 'Pick a night... any night'
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