God with Adam ...

God: "Adam, I want you to do something for me."
Adam: "Gladly, Lord, what do you want me to do?"
God: "Go down into that valley."
Adam: "What's a valley?"
God: (Having explained it to him) "Cross the river."
Adam: "What's a river?"
God: (Having explained it to him) "Go over to the hill...."
Adam: "What is a hill?"
God: (Having explained it to him) "On The other side of the hill you will find a Cave."
Adam: "What's a cave?"
God: (Having explained it to him) "In the cave you will find a woman."
Adam: "What's a woman?"
God: (Again, Having explained it to him) "I want you to procreate."
Adam said, "How do I do that?"
God: ("Geez..... Onced Again explained it to him all about the Bees and the Birds in details.").
So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.
About five minutes later Adam was back with that confused look again.
God, his patience wearing thin, angrily asked: "What is it now?"
Adam: "What's a headache?" …

Why are Wedding Dresses in White ... ?

Son asked his mother the following question:
Son: 'Mom, why are wedding dresses white?'
The mother looks at her son and replies,
Mom: 'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'
The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.
Son: 'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'
The father looks at his son in surprise and says,
Dad: 'Son, all household appliances come in white.'

Sucker's Game

Stevie Wonder and Tiger Woods are in a bar, discussing their Careers.
Tiger: 'How's the singing career going?'
Stevie: 'Not too bad. How's the golf?'
Tiger: 'Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right, now.'
Stevie: 'I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right.'
Tiger: (Shocked) 'You play GOLF?'
Stevie: 'Yes, I've been playing for years'.
Tiger: 'But - you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?'
Stevie: (Explains) 'Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice.'
Tiger: 'But, how do you putt?'
Stevie: 'Well, I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice.'
Tiger: 'What's your handicap?'
Stevie: 'Well, other than Blindness, actually, I'm a scratch golfer.'
Tiger: Incredulous, 'We've got to play a round sometime.'
Stevie: 'Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. That a problem?'
Tiger: (Thinks about it) ' I can afford that, OK, I'm game for that. $10,000 a hole is fine with me. When would you like to play?'
Stevie: 'Pick a night... any night'

What Seven Year Olds Think About Beer

A handful of 7 year old children were asked
'What do you think of beer?'
Some interesting responses, but the last one is especially touching...

I think beer must be good. My dad says the more beer he drinks the prettier my mom gets. ~Tim

Beer makes my dad sleepy and we get to watch what we want on television when he is asleep, so beer is nice. ~Melanie

My Mom and Dad both like beer. My Mom gets funny when she drinks it and takes her top off at parties, but Dad doesn't think this is very funny. ~Grady

My Mom and Dad talk funny when they drink beer and the more they drink the more they give kisses to each other, which is a good thing. ~Toby

My Dad gets funny on beer. He is funny. He also wets his pants sometimes, so he shouldn't have too much. ~Sarah

My Dad loves beer. The more he drinks, the better he dances. One time he danced right into the pool. ~Lilly

I don't like beer very much. Every time Dad drinks it, he burns the sausages on the barbecue and they taste disgusting. ~Ethan

I give Dad's beer to the dog and he goes to sleep. ~Shirley

My Mom drinks beer and she says silly things and picks on my father. Whenever she drinks beer she yells at Dad and tells him to go bury his bone down the street again, but that doesn't make any sense. ~Jack

Midwife & a Young Lady

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.
Lady: "I'm afraid I don't have a husband."
Midwife: "O.K. do you have a boyfriend?"
Lady: "No, no boyfriend either."
Midwife: "Do you have a partner then?"
Lady: "No, I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby on my own."
After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman.
Midwife: "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black"
Lady: "Well, I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a Job as a Porno Star. The lead man was black."
Midwife: "Oh, I'm very sorry, that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."
Lady: "Well yes, you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?"
Midwife: "Oh, I'm sorry, that's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes too."
Girl: "Well yes, I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice."
At this the midwife again apologises collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the bum.
The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Well thank fuck for that !"
Midwife: "What do you mean?" (shocked.)
Girl: (extremely relieved) "Well, I had this horrible feeling that the little bastard was going to bark!"

I'M a Proffesional Nurse

Nurse: "Of course I won't laugh," "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
Jim: "Okay then," and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'Man Thingy' the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery.
Nurse: (Unable to control herself,) giggled and then fell to the floor laughing.
Ten minutes later, she was able to struggle to her feet and regain her composure.
Nurse: "I am so sorry," "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again.
Nurse: Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?"
Jim: "It's swollen."
The Nurse, just ran out of the room!!!

no Arms

There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he had loved to play golf and do lots of things that took two arms.
One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off. He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man skipping along, whistling and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and saw that this man didn't have any arms at all.
He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life.
He hurried down and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt ugly and useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for saving his life and he knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could go on with no arms.
The man with no arms began dancing and whistling and kicking up his heels again. He asked, "Why are you so happy anyway?"
He said, "I'm NOT happy... my balls itch."

Complicated Luo's

Maxwell Otieno Mak'osewe grew up in Nairobi. He went to law school in London After his studies he decided to go back to Nairobi, because he could be a big man in there .There he opened his new law office.The first day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk and decided to make a big impression. As the man came to the door, Otieno pretended to be on the phone and motioned the man to take a seat. Otieno said into the phone: 'No. Absolutely no. You tell those clowns in New York that am not travelling all the way that side to settle the case for less than a million bucks......Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear the case next week....Ofcourse I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support...That is okay with me..... And remember to give the State Prosecutor my regards, thanks... You are welcomed to call again Mr.'
The visitor sat patiently as Otieno rattled instructions. Finally, Otieno put down the telephone and said: 'I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy. So, what can I do for you?'
The man took a deep breath and said: 'I'm from Telkom and I've come to connect your phone.'

Jaluo Jeuri!

Kenyan Vs Ugandan

A Ugandan and a Kenyan were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold Tusker beer.
After a while the Ugandan says to the Kenyan, 'If I was to sneak over to your house and shag your wife while you were off fishing and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?'
The Kenyan crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, 'Well, I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even!

Why some Men have Dogs & not Wives.

1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, 'If I died, would you get another dog?'
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away. 11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.
13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

I think you're the father of one of my Kids!

A Kenyan goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello.
He's rather taken aback because, he can't place where he knows her from.
Kenyan: Sorry! I dont seem to remember where I know you from?
Lady: 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.
Kenyan: (Shocked!) 'Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife... and says, Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your sexy partner whipped my butt with wet Celery?
Lady: 'Smiled ... She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.

GPS in Swahili

A Muhindi is being guided by the GPS system in Swahili.
So, it says, "Nenda Kishoto"( left),
then "Nenda Kuliya" (right).
Somehow, he fails to understand the second command, and drives straight ahead; the GPS says,
" Kumma nina!!, Ume poteya tena??

All Men ...

All Men Are Not Fools... Some Are Exbians

Cheka Kwa Furaha !

At Mathare mental hospital, Nairobi (Kenya)
At Mathare Mental Hospital, a nurse making rounds walks into a room and sees a patient acting as if he's driving a car.
The nurse asks him, "Charlie! What are you doing?"Charlie replied, "Can't talk right now... I'm driving to Mombasa!"The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.
In the evening the nurse enters Charlie's room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, "Well Charlie, how you doing?"Charlie says, "I'm exhausted, I just got into Mombasa and I need some rest." "That's great," replied the nurse, "I'm glad you had a safe trip.
"The nurse walks across the ward, and finds Joseph sitting on his bed masturbating vigorously. With shock she asks, "Joseph what are you doing!
"To which Joseph replies, "I'm screwing Charlie's wife - he's in Mombasa!

DIY~Double Pleasure

When Inflation Hit this Lady.
She decided to go DIY.

If .... Women Ruled

Pet Hypermarket

A Man's Life ~ Before & After Marriage

Creche ~ Pub

This has to be a Good, Cheeky Chalk Board, If I have ever seen one !!!

~ Husband Creche ~

Is he getting Under your Feet ? ?

Why NOT leave him Here while you Shop !!!

Free Creche, Just Pay for his Drinks!

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